TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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