Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
