So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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