need another drink. this is the easiest way
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
