fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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