I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I need a beard to bite.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
