He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
