Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
