Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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