I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How does one acquire holy water?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
