Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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