Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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