It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
