Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want to stick my p in your. b.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
