turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She's the barista slut.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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