I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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