Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
