Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
