GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
