Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
