he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
