Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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