I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
