I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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