Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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