The maid of honor just puked.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I need a beard to bite.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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