Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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