Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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