Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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