Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Sober January is a disaster.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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