I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
