I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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