you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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