living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
