how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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