My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
