im drinking this country out of the recession.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
