Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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