i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
