how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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