I puked a lego.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
