Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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