but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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