that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
