Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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