Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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