Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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