walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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