i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
