did you get engaged???
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
