"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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