Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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