Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
