Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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