I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
