I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
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the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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