Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
