I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
