yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
