he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
