Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
