PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
