I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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