Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
