I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
