It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
