Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
