If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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