This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
