Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have aggressive nipples.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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