some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
