Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
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So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
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Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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