ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
