hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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