your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
