I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
